Well my young padawan’s it has certainly been a long time since I last posted on the blog!. This won’t be as long as the others. I don’t think anyway!. It depends how much I end up remembering. Without further ado lets gets this blog on the road!. (Watch out it cannot drive yet!)
HOW AM I DOING NOW?.
Life has its Ups and downs. Things have changed slightly. I’m older!. Which is a given lol. I also changed my name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock. I married a young man called Crap bag!. (OK that’s all lies I’m still Rose!). My family is dealing with a personal situation that I cannot talk about in detail here. This has caused me anxiety.
On a happier note I finally got my sleeping habits back under a manageable control. Of course, I still cannot sleep at times. It’s not suddenly cured. I still find myself some nights laying awake staring at the ceiling. Many of us have suffered or are suffering from Insomnia. It’s awful and can be really debilitating in our waking lives. It can make work or school so much worse. I was on sleeping tablets in 2015-2016 and they did help me. Don’t be afraid to go speak to your doctor. See if there is anything they can do to help. I myself now use ASMR and yes, I know people find it weird. But it helps me sleep and I am not ashamed to admit I watch it!. I am also not ashamed to say loud and clear. I am a survivor of suicide and I can say four years on. I am still here. Still fighting the fight. If you feel there is no end to your depression no light. I felt that way too!. There were days I could not get out of bed. But I had to because my family did not know about my internal struggle. I know talking is difficult. It still is now for me. But I am slowly getting better. Starting my live videos on Instagram is helping me over one my first of public speaking. It is still slow going. But if you want to see my lives follow me on @DivaDwarf though I may be creating a separate Instagram where I will discuss mental health and post inspirational quotes or just messages from me to all of you. I’ve not decided yet!.
So, I don’t talk about this much. But on Twitter right now I’m targeted and bullied. These bullies are spreading nasty rumors about me. They’ve taken things that were said in arguments and deleted everything they said and did to me. They are now just sharing what I said. So, people are blocking me. Calling me nasty names saying I am someone I’m not. I’m apparently a fake person. Clearly they’ve never seen or heard of Jordan/Katie Price!. I was actually show DM’s they’ve sent about me to people I talk to. In them they are lying saying I am a teen man. The person who is spreading this BS is one of the most toxic people I have ever met. I used to call her my friend until I realised how much of a drama whore she is. If there is no drama at all and everyone is at peace, she starts drama just to get attention. She will then delete everything she did and play victim. She had been known to tweet abuse at me and even DMED me. Then she would tell all her friends everything she was doing to me. But I was doing it to her in her world. They are clearly blind as her account was full of the abuse on show in her tweets. But they believed her and blocked me. She did stop when our mutual friend was sent screenshots of everything, she sent me. I said she can carry on if she wants. But I will out her to everyone because I don’t like bullies. She stopped and now it seems she is back. She has over 60+ accounts on twitter and already I am being blocked by people who’ve known me for years. I am saying this because I know I am not the only one being targeted on Social media as well. But I am here to tell you reading this. You do not have to sit back and take it. You control how you react. You control how it affects you. But if they are getting to the point where you feel like I felt a few days ago. That you would be better off dead. And yes I was told by someone on Twitter today that maybe I should try again and not fail this time because God knows no one will miss you!. Except I KNOW people would miss every single one of us!. I may never get to meet you all. I doubt I will. But you are loved. By your friends by your family and by ME!. I love everyone and wish you all will be happy and well. I will list my contact details at the bottom of this blog. So if you ever need to talk or need someone to listen to I am here!. Always. Well not while I am showering!. My phone says it is waterproof but I think that is taking it too far!.
If you ever feel bullied or that a friend online is being toxic. Never let them drag you to their level. Never let anyone bully you. Always report it to your parents or your friends’ parents. Tell anyone you feel safe telling!. They will help you I can guarantee it. I do have to be real though. The police?. They don’t do anything. They said when I contacted them that Twitter won’t do a thing and they never cooperate. Also remember screenshots are a good help!. Especially if it is girls from your school. If that is the case then report it to the head teacher. If they won’t do anything get your parents involved. My mum got involved when I was being bullied and beaten up and my school sorted out the bullies and they were expelled/suspended. Never be afraid to speak up. Hiding what is happening is the worst thing you can do.
That is all for now, I think. I am in a better place. But some days I do drop into a dark place that I have to remind myself I am strong I can get through this dark period and so can you. Fellow survivors of suicide and people still suffering from depression. Ne really give up never let your pasts define who you are going to become. You are all amazing and have the potential to be great!.
Love from Rose
Twitter: DivaDwarf
Instagram DivaDwarf
Snapchat MissCocoBay (Bet you thought it would be DivaDwarf!)
Depression Does Not Define Me 